Final Countdown

Pre-race anxiety.

Boy, do I have it. TIP: googling it does not help either, because the list of things I didn't do to train properly keeps getting longer and longer...

I've never had a back problem once in my life, and now I can't even bend my head forward without a sharp pain shooting up my spine.

I'm the biggest proponent of flu shots, and I was too scared today to get it for free in my office on the incredibly rare chance I was going to exhibit flulike symptoms in the next 10 DAYS.

Whenever I walk anywhere now, I never take my eyes off the ground because I'm afraid of rolling an ankle on uneven pavement. Forget about the risk I'm taking that I might walk into a street sign, get hit by a car, or even worse, fall into a chocolate river... nevermind, that would be better.

SNAP OUT OF IT. STRATEGIZE. SUCCEED.

Voluntarily Doormant

"The knight tried and tried to knock down the door to save the fair maiden that was trapped inside, but it wasn't budging. Still, he didn't give up. The door was so strong that eventually the walls around it just crumbled, and he was able to make his way inside." - One of my favorite fairytales...

Maybe because I love the author. But also maybe because it teaches me that the only way out isn't always through. I've found myself using that saying more than once over the past few weeks, and I'm starting to rethink it.

It wasn't a straight shot from there to here. And as I get closer and closer to My Full 180, I'm actually thankful for all the highs and lows, because the lows make the highs that much sweeter. You just have to hold your breath until you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or break down the walls around it.

Some notes about what my new training regime has consisted of (which all unsurprisingly involve food):

• Last Sunday, I ran to Red Hook, ate a key lime pie on a stick, did a wine tasting, and ran back. I tried to convince myself this was the modern day "run before the run." Have you ever tried the "run, drink, run"? 
• Last week, I ate approximately one pound of pasta colored with neon food dye (see Exhibit A), because I loved the look of it way too much to throw it out.  My annual blood work was conveniently scheduled that same week. Funny thing is, my cholesterol has never been better.
• Friday I had a porkchop that tasted like a slab of applewood (FYI this is not a spice) bacon. It was floating on a bed of spaghetti squash that I can only liken to the hair of a cherub. Or Handy Nasty rice fluffed by the mouth of God. 
• Yesterday, I had two bowls of Cocoa Puffs in the Lounge right before I went to bed... with 2% milk. Things are getting WILD. 

Oh yeah, and I've never been happier.

EXHIBIT A

Begin Again

"Don't you know you could have anything you want in life? You've only got to want it bad enough... Do you want it?!"

Those are the last words Regis Philbin heard his Sergeant say before he started his career in television. And those will be the last words I tell myself as I cross that finish line in less than a month.

Tonight closed out a groundbreaking week for "my full 180." Not only did I have the pleasure of meeting one of the most legendary NBC Pages of all time and celebrating the NBC Page Program's 80th Anniversary with some of the greatest people 30 Rock has ever (in)bred, but I took a moment to step back from the wackiness of life and realize what is going on here...

1. T minus 30 days until race time!
2. The end of summer.
3. The beginning of my new life. 

30 DAYS IN SEPTEMBER
9/25 - I'm not going to lie, I fell off the training wagon a little. I find myself reading more articles about running than actually running. I never got around to buying that foam roller. I missed a group run at my five year college reunion because I was hungover. I haven't flossed my feet! How do I taper my training 3-4 weeks out, when I'm less than four weeks out and have never run 3/4 of my final distance? The sun rises later and sets earlier, so there's no way with my 8-7 job to ever see/run in the light of day again. The temperature is so cold at 5am I have to thaw my arms to get my sports bra on. I put my long-sleeve Under Armour on to make the first mile bearable, and then I want to burn it two miles in when I'm sweating my ass off. A few times I actually would have thrown it out on the side of the street if it didn't cost more than my non-subscription to Netflix. And today when I was being chased by two raccoons (NOCTURNAL creatures), I prayed for the good old days when dodging pigeons was a minor inconvenience. It's crunch time.

SO LONG SWEET SUMMER
9/22 - The Autumnal Equinox. It only happens twice a year, when the plane of the Earth's equator passes the center of the Sun. At this time the tilt of the Earth's axis is neither away nor towards the Sun. Night and day are about equal length, a perfect balance.* And I can say for certain that this weekend I finally found my balance. Most people are sad to see summer go, but I welcome Fall with open arms. PSLs (Pumpkin Spice Lattes), Pumpkin Spice Pepperidge Farm Swirl loaves, fall foliage, sweater weather, homecoming. It's also the time to look back on our favorite summer memories, maybe our favorite Summer Songs. For me it was the summer we found each other...

BEGIN AGAIN
9/19 - It worked. It was a long journey, it still is a journey, but the awkward girl let go. And boy, did she let in someone good (#4). The significance here is so much more than a Facebook status change or a title (that I couldn't be more excited or feel more lucky about, by the way). It's a reminder to anyone that has loved and lost that you can begin again. It doesn't have to be a significant other. It could be a loved one, a job, a hot dog torta that isn't on the menu anymore... but eventually when you learn to let go you make the necessary room in your life for something better. I know there are no words that people can tell you when you are in that dark place to make the pain go away, but hopefully you can chalk this blog up as just another testimonial that it (this) too shall pass.

So don't you know you can have anything you want in life? You just have to want it, like Regis.

*SOURCE: Wikipedia.com 

Running Through Rainbows

The Color Run. Color Me Rad. Run or Dye. Pigment Prance. Hue Hustle... OK, I made a few of those up. But you get the point.

No matter how over-saturated the "group run" market gets, I do believe that all of these small races have a big purpose. Whether running from zombies or sliding in foam, they make the non-runner in all of us think twice about starting to move. And that's all that matters.

Last weekend I "ran" in the Happiest 5k on the Planet.

Four best friends of all different athletic abilities sticking together. Just like the artificial coloring to my elbow pit sweat. Running through rainbows, intaking so much dye through every orifice of their bodies that their snot would be green for days (I liked it - it tasted like pancake mix), and crossing the finish line holding hands. Having so much fun doing it that they actually start thinking about the 2014 race on the debrief home. That's what group running is all about.

People ask me all the time if I like running yet. I used to think that one day a switch would be turned on in my body short-circuiting me to love running. But the truth is, I don't think we are all programmed that way. I've never once chosen a run over scooping an unnecessarily offensive amount of spinach dip on a tortilla chip or playing wheels with my nephew. What I do like about running though is what it does to me as a person. The discipline, the routine, the progression, the results. Don't get me wrong, you can make it easier. I've tried to watch foods where I can and say NO to happy hours more frequently than I used to, but you don't have to change yourself completely to be a runner.

Running, on the other hand, has changed me. It gives me something to focus on when I feel lost. It gives me something to look forward to when I am lonely. It brought me closer to my friends and family (you should have heard how me running became the talk of the town at a family BBQ this weekend - what SCANDAL!). And it continues to bring me closer to someone who is very important to me...  I'm telling you, you haven't lived until you've sprinted through a radar detector exclamation point.

Happy 50 Days!

Hugs and Quiches

If you would have asked me at 10 years old where I would be at 27, other than saying "on Broadway" (oops), I definitely would have said married with kids. I had a plan for these sorts of things, and I'm way off schedule.

And if you would have asked me at 10 years old if I would ever be training for a half marathon to start my life over again at 27 (let's assume I knew what a half marathon was at 10 years old), I would say HELL NO. I had crayon wars to think about, books to read for CARP, and many meatballs to consume. Honestly, I would have said HELL NO at 26, too.

So there you have it. The moral of the story here is not to distrust your 10-year-old self. It's the bigger picture - that sometimes life throws you curve balls. Things you can't always predict will happen, but you have to genuinely believe were meant to happen for a reason.

Not everything in life is linear like this painfully relatable, grossly realistic list of the 26 Stages of Taking Up Running. And even then, I'm torn between 23 and 24, and forever fixated on 21 because you might mistake my foot x-rays for the claws of a jacana. I may or may not be able to walk on lily pads...

So, stuff got real in my last post. Then I fell off the blogosphere for a few weeks. But the good thing is I was busy doing things that made me happy. Developing an addiction for horse racing, going on vacation with my godson (ironically to Hersheypark - uh oh, that place is hilly!), lots of good music, a perfect wedding, doubleheader tapas and margs (with my 5-year NYC crew), a long overdue home GRUNCH, a scenic tour of a rebuilt city #STTS (you're welcome), and a solid 4.5 mile group run...

And amongst all of that pure joy, I actually opened myself up to someone else for the first time in a long time. Someone patient and kind that I will be forever grateful for. Someone I may have been resisting for being too far, but I've also let closest to my heart. But more to come on that, I've still got 60 days ;)

Forget plans, just enjoy your hugs and quiches... YOLO.

Rapid Fermentation

My apartment smells like Jolly Ranchers.

That's not necessarily a good thing. You see, tonight I was "shaking well" some delicious V8 V-Fusion goodness, when... POP!

Not only did I scream as if I was watching a red wedding and my heart skip a few beats, but there was Acai Mixed Berry something EVERYWHERE. And then I go through the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief in approximately 30 seconds:

1. DENIAL: What the F just happened?!
2. ANGER: I'm going to sue Campbell Foods.
3. BARGAINING: What if the bottle was facing my eye?
4. DEPRESSION: This isn't going to clean itself up.
5. ACCEPTANCE: Life goes on. 

I've got a lot going on in my life right now. No more than a lot of other people, most likely less. I've always had a problem dealing with stress, but the one thing I lose sight of in a sharknado (yes, when it rains, it pours sharks in my life), is that I always make it through. Life goes on.

Running has been a GREAT stress relief for me. Yesterday, when I was thinking about an impending job move and debt and coordinating transportation to a funeral, I decided to just run.  And 30 minutes is all you need. There's nothing like pounding the pavement to shake off the feeling you might have been poisoned.

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8/1/2013

Today is one year from the day I left him. Another setback for the 180, seeing that I actually went a complete full circle... the funeral mass happened to be in the one place I haven't set foot in for exactly one year. Borough Park.

Borough Park was an interesting coordinate in the map of my life. Moving in was the most exciting thing I've ever done. I'll never forget searching for apartments together, or the signing of the lease that I thought was with my roommate for life. I would come home to him sweeping with a huge, goofy smile on his face, just because he "wanted to keep the place nice for us." And I would go grocery shopping and easily drop $100 to supplement the pounds of meat he would consume, yet finally felt fulfilled because I was capable of taking care of someone. But it didn't take long after the custom-ordered couch and wood panel blinds were delivered that the rose colored glasses turned to defective transition lenses.

And each day after that continued to suck the life out of me until I had nothing to look forward to on my walk of shame back to our place but the marble countertops. I call it the walk of shame, because I had to literally walk back with my head down since I couldn't make eye contact with any of my neighbors. I was trapped in a cultural divide, as he was sucked into the zombie land of his profession. I had more cabinets than things to store in them, but my heart was bursting. I was a Stretch Armstrong reaching further than my arms could possibly extend, and he was a rare Quackers (without wings) Beanie Baby with a tag protector that I could never touch.

So yeah, today sucked. But every day is a realization that I am better now than I was before. I mean - if you like it, than you should have put an onion ring on it...

"I am better than I was yesterday, but not as good as I will be tomorrow." - UNKNOWN