Mission Accomplished

This is the story of an awkward girl's journey on a race to find herself by learning to let go...

This is the story of an awkward girl who found herself when she learned to let go... and so much more.

Hershey Kisses

This is My Full 180. I completed the Hershey Half Marathon on Sunday, October 20, 2013, clocking in at 02:20:44 (I'll take it!). I wish I could say I had a huge smile on my face from the starting line to the finish line, but that would be a lie. In fact, there was an actual point at Mile 10 when a hawk was circling above my head on yet ANOTHER hill, and I just wished that it would swoop down and peck my eyes out. And throughout this whole journey, I've opened myself up completely to you in the hopes that being truthful about my experience would maybe, possibly, just so happen to help someone else who felt like their world was imploding all around them. I never claimed to know everything. I still won't claim to having "the secret" to getting over an ex or surviving an ugly breakup. I never imagined my ending to be so... perfect. But the only thing I can do now is be forever grateful for how it turned out for me. And share some of my learnings along the way, if you allow me to entertain you one last time. 

1. It's a BIG accomplishment if it is to you. I'm not a big fan of the "half marathon" race title. On more than one occasion I would be embarrassed to make a big deal about running a half. Ater all, there are people out there who run DOUBLE what I did, some multiple times. But I got over that quickly when I took a step back to remember that 180 days ago, I couldn't even run 1 mile without stopping to walk and catch my breath. Or 180 days ago, I wouldn't run outside because I was too self conscious about the shape I was in. Now you can call it whatever you want - a half marathon, a 13.1 mile run, a 20k - and I will be proud, because it's a big accomplishment for me. 
2. Learn to accept the kindness of others. I've been absolutely humbled by all of the support and love my friends and family have shown me over the past 180 days. But instead of getting overwhelmed, I'm trying to learn how to accept the kindness of others. These people are your friends for a reason. It's absolutely essential in a time of crisis and recovery to surround yourself with positive people who genuinely care about you. And if they truly care about you, they know that you would do anything to repay the favor someday. I've made it my new goal to slowly but surely return all of the love everyone has shown me whether they need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a fanny pack to borrow, a playlist to get them pumped up with, a care package to put a smile on their face...  
3. It's not easy, and no one has to understand that but you. I second guessed myself a lot throughout this journey. What is wrong with me? Why is it taking me so long to get over someone who didn't care about me at all in the grand scheme of things? The just "get over it" mentality never worked for me. I was so blessed for this situation to present itself when I was having a particularly hard time and any drastic change seemed like a good idea. But if I could do it all over again, I would stop worrying so much about what other people thought. I would come to terms with the fact that it was not going to be easy, and embrace the learning experience. 
4. Never settle for anything less than you deserve. I realize now that this would be exactly what I was doing if I stayed with my ex. A longterm relationship (and believe me, I've had my fair share) often stays longer-term than it should because it feels comfortable. But there's a big difference between compromise - which is absolutely essential in a healthy relationship - and making excuses. And when you confuse making excuses for compromise, it couldn't be more important to take a step back and reassess if you are getting what you truly deserve. 
5. Let go of expectations and learn to appreciate what's right in front of you. It's OK to take your time when you are getting to know someone. I grew up believing in love at first sight and I built a long list of criteria for "Mr. Right." This might sound like it's directly contradicting #4, but there's another big difference between getting what you deserve and setting unrealistic expectations. By learning to let go of expectations and really appreciate what is happening around and right in front of you, you see the world differently. I've never seen the world as clearly as I do now. And the fact that my boyfriend was patient through this whole process is just one of the many reasons I know he is my Mr. Right. 

There are too many people than I could possibly ever thank here. But without sacrificing anonymity, there's a few that I need to dedicate this blogging journey to, because without you, there would be no My Full 180.

...My family for teaching me what the true definition of strength is. 

...My oldest friend that taught me that the answer wasn't forgetting, it was learning to set a goal and "let go" of him. Counting down to your marathon in 12 days!  The miracle isn't that you finish, but that you had the courage to start. 

...The very special Mules who convinced me to sign up for a half marathon because we were only "half crazy", life changing trainers and now lifelong friends.

...All my BESTS who weren't physically near (from Chicago to Matawan), but made me feel like they were right there every step of the way.

...The Pages that make up my NYC network, my life blood and calming grace in this incredibly amazing but painfully fast-paced environment. 

...Gene Wilder for his fantastical portrayal of Willy Wonka in the greatest movie of all time.

...The writer of this Half Marathon Survival Guide that taught me what "throwaway clothes" were, so I didn't die of hypothermia because I was too cheap to throw out my running gear.

...The honest man at Mile Marker 4 with the sign that read "You're not even close."

...The designer of bacon scarves (and all other food-related fashions).

...The little boy at Hotel Hershey that took one look at us in our silver burrito capes (aka HeatSheets) post race, and said to his parents, "Look, they're made out of Hershey's!"

...Jessie Spano, neon food dye, aye-ayes, Guy Fieri, countdown clocks, 180 Neapolitan Eatery (in no particular order).

...My boyfriend who stuck by my side stride for stride, never gave up on me, taught me how to begin again, and let me stop to go to the bathroom at Mile 8 (even though pulling my sweaty pants up must have cost us 5-10 minutes). With each other, we're always winning.

- Champion, My Full 180